So I thought I’d throw down an example of the editing I have been doing. Here’s the original:

The name on the chart said Jason Chatt, age of 14. The doctor flipped open the chart, scanned the front page of notes briefly, raised his eyebrows, then walked down the hallway to room 120. He knocked and opened the door and peeked inside. The boy was sitting up in bed, bandages lashed across his forehead, still wearing the frayed jeans and shirt that he had been found in. The doctor poked his head back outside long enough to yell for a hospital gown, winced and pressured his hand into his side, and then entered the room.

And here’s the edited version:

Jason sat on the edge of the bed holding a towel to his temple. He had finally given up his struggle to get comfortable—every move brought more pain and the distinct, unwelcome crackle of the hospital bed covers. He was a small boy, caught in the awkward grip of adolescence: hands too big for his body, thin trails of acne staining what was otherwise a good-looking face. He wore frayed jeans and a novelty t-shirt from a Christian bookstore (A Breadcrumb and Fish, a strained play on the popular clothing store; below that it quoted the story of Jesus feeding the multitude) which was now flecked with his own blood.

You can see clearly how different they are. For one, I put Jason, the main character in this scene, in the first position, instead of as a subject. Tell me what you think about the changes…if you dare.

Simon

Well, I’m back in the blogosphere. But this time, I’m staying in the shallow end. There’s an ocean shelf out there somewhere, invisible, almost underfoot, and if you step off that shelf, you’re lost. I’m going to keep it simple. This blog is mainly about my novel (if I can call it that without doing violence to the word), Uncanny. I find it helpful to post stats; it allows you to easily mark progress, and it keeps you accountable if you aren’t keeping up. My bare minimum wordcount that I wish to achieve is 400 words.

I think I can do that.

I’ve stopped forward progress on Uncanny for the moment, and have rewritten the first 10,000 or so words. I’m a lot happier with this draft, essentially because I changed everything. I guess that’s how it goes. It hurts lopping off that 1,000 words that just doesn’t fit, even though you know it’s useless and poorly written–like losing a limb.

I also updated my Flickr account with some much-requested pictures of the new babe, Jubilee. So check ‘em out if you have the time.

For now,

Simon

Well, since I have done absolutely no writing this entire week (egads!), and wanted to leave you with at least one post before the weekend, I decided to give set you up with a look at our new home.

We are currently staying at Alison’s mom’s house, which sits on about two and a half acres in the small town of Graton (outside of Sebastopol, which is outside of Santa Rosa). I made a set with some pictures of the property on Flickr; you can check em out here.

It is an amazingly beautiful place, and we are blessed to be here. In fact, we are overwhelmingly blessed in all areas of our life. We have a good marriage, two healthy children, a free house, a good church, excellent family, excellent friends, a home business, and I get to work from home (sheesh; it’s like a fairytale or something).

The book I’m reading now is “The Nature of the Atonement.” This book effectively blew my mind. The first view, the “Christus Victor” view, is pretty radical, and gave me a lot to think about. Gregory Boyd authored it, and I thought it was well and reasonably argued; though I think he’s what you would call “on the fringe” of evangelicalism. For example, he believes in the openness of God; that God limited himself to not knowing future events, because He could not possibly know the future without negatively affecting our free agency. But, according to this view, he’s a real good guesser. So basically he’s right about guessing the future 100% of the time. I’m not sure we’re splitting hairs yet, but we might be close.

Anyway, good stuff. I look forward to reading the rest of the book.

On behalf of Simon, and the rest of the staff here: have a great weekend!

Uncanny

Today’s Word Count: 581 words, 50.1k total

Excerpt:

They had formed a circle around Jason, and they were pushing him back and forth across its diameter. As the men caught him, they would send him reeling away with a punch, or a kick, or a hard push. When he fell to the ground, they would immediately pick him up and send him moving again. It was building in ferocity, in severity; Jason could feel their hate, taste it like rusted copper. He was not the mission, the assignment. He was merely a party favor.

Thoughts:

50,000 words. Sweet! It’s Friday. Sweet!

A long brewing idea of mine has been to start a bumper sticker business. In case you didn’t know, I’m great at slogans, business names; generally useless and unprofitable things. But not anymore. We’ve even got a cool name for our bumper sticker business. Want to know what it is? Sorry, it’s not copyrighted. Soon, my young padawans. Soon.

Have a nice weekend everybody!

Uncanny

Today’s Word Count: 1540 words, 49.5k total

Excerpt:

Timothy handed a bag to each of them as they exited the store, and they dug through them eagerly. Jason pulled out a piece of chocolate cake and wolfed it down. Starla was popping donut holes in her mouth one at a time. Timothy lingered a few steps behind them, watching them smile, and chew, and pass the bags back and forth. He was glad to have someone to look after, glad to have someone to run with.
Glad to have someone to protect.

My Thoughts:

Not much to report. Another beautiful day in sunny Sebastopol, another stroller sale, another few words written down.

This is the life.

Uncanny

Today’s Word Count: 917 words, 45.5k total

Excerpt:

Nicolas cried out again, but Dr. Weiss ignored him. He walked to the exit and punched a series of buttons in the intercom next to the door. Nicolas peered frantically into Dr. Weiss’ mind, but he was so weak behind this glass, in this cold; the thoughts rushed at him like a flood, without distinction, a mass of jumbled and fractured pictures. He was swept away by it; but in his panic, he was able to reach out a desperate hand and latch onto a single thought, a single word.
Starla.

Thoughts:

Keeping the doggies rolling.

Uncanny

Today’s Word Count: 944 words, 44.6k total

Excerpt:

Daniel knew there was no turning back. He cast his mind out further, racing back through time. He was in a tunnel, dark and musty; he couldn’t help but feel like Alice wandering down the rabbit hole. There was Chris, a tow-headed blond kid, freckles ringed around his pink nose. “It was your father, Chris. What things he did to your mother!”
Now he could see Chris tense.
“He was so big, and you were so little. What could you do?”
“Daniel…”
Daniel felt like a rock kicked down a mountainside, helplessly out of control. “But she blamed you, didn’t she? You’d catch her staring at you; at the dinner table; as you played with your toys outside. She’d be standing inside watching you, her fingers pressed on the windows.”

Thoughts For Today:

We have been looking for a new church in the area, and yesterday we visited the Calvary Chapel in Sebastopol. Fun fact: it meets in the O’Reilly building, the computer book publishers. I’ve sent my resume in three separate times for jobs in that company, and have yet to hear anything back. Well, I got one over on them: I went in the building without even having a job there. The Calvary Chapel was very good, but we might still look around for a few weeks. Problem is, there really aren’t that many churches in Sebastopol; around 10, on my last count. That includes the Catholic, Lutheran, Presbyterian, United Methodist, United Congregationalist, and Seventh Day Adventist churches. And those, in my little book, are not an option (of course, many other people find a home in those churches). Taking those out, there’s really only 2-3 churches to consider. And that we will do.

Onward!

Uncanny

Today’s Word Count: 494 words

Excerpt:

Complete silence. Then: “We’ve got our hands full with our own situation.”
“Nicolas?”
“He left quite a mess to clean up. Three dead, including the doctor from the facility.”
“Dr. Weiss?”
“Yes.”
Jonas felt a lump in his throat. It was a strange feeling knowing that someone he just talked to days ago was dead. He had a peculiar urge to cross himself, like they did in the movies. And he didn’t feel like beating around the bush anymore.
“Agent Spector, I’d appreciate if you could assist me in the apprehension of the suspects.”

Simon’s Thoughts:

Not a strong word count today. I wasn’t aware how much lack of sleep really hurts your productivity until today. Ah well, it’s Friday.

Hope to see you after the weekend!

Uncanny

Today’s Word Count: 1,200 words

Excerpt:

They walked to the stoop and Jason rang the doorbell. The stale buzz echoed forlornly throughout the house. Nothing happened for a long while—and then, the slow shuffle of old footsteps, a grainy sound, like rubbing wood with sandpaper.
“Diane?” Heavy breathing behind the door.
“No, Dad. It’s me.”
There was a long pause, and then, softly, as if he were speaking in church: “Jillian?”
“No, Dad. It’s your son. It’s Jason.”
“Jason?” He said it like it was a name he had never heard.
“Jason. Jay. Your son.”
“Jay,” the voice repeated. Then: “Of course. You’ve come. Come in, come in.”

Simon’s Thoughts:

I didn’t add to the total word count today because I wrote yet another future scene. Rather than switch scenes back and forth, sometimes it’s helpful to write out an entire scene and then break it into chunks to intersperse with the other stories and plot lines. At least for now that’s the case.

Hope you enjoy. It’s a beautiful day here.

Onward!

Uncanny

Today’s Word Count: 1,150 words, 41.9k total

Excerpt:

He was moving now, being carried as by an invisible hand. His feet scraped on the last few feet of the rooftop and then he was dangling like a puppet over the field below. He hadn’t thought of death much—hadn’t had time for it—but now, staring at Nicolas’ cold and murderous face, he became terrified of it. No more sunsets; no more music floating like perfume on the air. No more handshakes from friends, no more raised eyebrows, parted lips. No more knowledge. The thought was too much to bear.
“Please, Nicolas, please!” Dr. Weiss said in his highest voice.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Weiss, you’ve caused enough pain already.”
“I’ll give you anything! Anything, please!”
It was the wrong thing to say, Dr. Weiss saw that immediately. For a moment, he could see fire, real fire, behind Nicolas’ eyes, turning them the color of ash.
“That was what the devil said.”
And then the invisible hands holding him loosened, and Dr. Weiss fell screaming to the ground below. By the time the farmer discovered him in the morning, the crows had picked away most of his clothes.
Nicolas, however, had moved on.

Simon’s Word of Advice:

Don’t have a character that travels through time. Time travel just don’t work. It doesn’t matter how far you get–it always breaks down somewhere. I realized that I had a character go back in time, do something crucial, and then travel with a crucial character for a while. The problem is, I already wrote pieces of his story, and he’s not with the crucial character. And what is his future self doing while he’s traveling?

It just don’t work.

But somehow, miraculously, I was able to salvage most of my scenes and fix the time travel issue (I basically have him return to the present immediately).

And I’ve finally found my groove in my new office(see post below). I’m actually much more inspired here than in previous locations. Things are coming together nicely.