So I thought I’d throw down an example of the editing I have been doing. Here’s the original:

The name on the chart said Jason Chatt, age of 14. The doctor flipped open the chart, scanned the front page of notes briefly, raised his eyebrows, then walked down the hallway to room 120. He knocked and opened the door and peeked inside. The boy was sitting up in bed, bandages lashed across his forehead, still wearing the frayed jeans and shirt that he had been found in. The doctor poked his head back outside long enough to yell for a hospital gown, winced and pressured his hand into his side, and then entered the room.

And here’s the edited version:

Jason sat on the edge of the bed holding a towel to his temple. He had finally given up his struggle to get comfortable—every move brought more pain and the distinct, unwelcome crackle of the hospital bed covers. He was a small boy, caught in the awkward grip of adolescence: hands too big for his body, thin trails of acne staining what was otherwise a good-looking face. He wore frayed jeans and a novelty t-shirt from a Christian bookstore (A Breadcrumb and Fish, a strained play on the popular clothing store; below that it quoted the story of Jesus feeding the multitude) which was now flecked with his own blood.

You can see clearly how different they are. For one, I put Jason, the main character in this scene, in the first position, instead of as a subject. Tell me what you think about the changes…if you dare.

Simon

Well, I’m back in the blogosphere. But this time, I’m staying in the shallow end. There’s an ocean shelf out there somewhere, invisible, almost underfoot, and if you step off that shelf, you’re lost. I’m going to keep it simple. This blog is mainly about my novel (if I can call it that without doing violence to the word), Uncanny. I find it helpful to post stats; it allows you to easily mark progress, and it keeps you accountable if you aren’t keeping up. My bare minimum wordcount that I wish to achieve is 400 words.

I think I can do that.

I’ve stopped forward progress on Uncanny for the moment, and have rewritten the first 10,000 or so words. I’m a lot happier with this draft, essentially because I changed everything. I guess that’s how it goes. It hurts lopping off that 1,000 words that just doesn’t fit, even though you know it’s useless and poorly written–like losing a limb.

I also updated my Flickr account with some much-requested pictures of the new babe, Jubilee. So check ‘em out if you have the time.

For now,

Simon